Sweet release tonight?
by TragicSilence
Summary: House pretty much is depressed one night. He thinks about life and his pills...etc. Rated T for some language. My first fanfic try not to be brutal!


House sat on his couch, fingers tracing the edge of the cap on the pill bottle. His fingers lingered around each curve, each twist of the bottle. Each one was so familiar; so comforting. He traced his thumb along the cap again, and he heard the familiar 'pop' as the cap snapped off. If it was possible, he could have sworn a smile crossed his face. He poured three into his palm. He wanted to take the whole damn bottle. To make all the feelings in the world dissipate into the darkness of his apartment. He could practically feel the loneliness linger in the air of his empty home. He allowed the three pills to enter his mouth at once, and sucked their sweet release. He could practically feel the familiar chemicals flowing in his blood stream. He wanted more. He wanted the whole thing. To feel each one swimming throughout him, until he didn't feel anything. No pain. Nothing. The anguish? Of course not; gone. Only then would he be happy.

He set the pill bottle down reluctantly. He let the sound of the bottle clanking against the table linger in his mind. His mind screamed at him. 'Pick it back up and end it all. Do you like how you feel everyday? Just end it now!' But he couldn't. He was too weak. Or maybe he was too strong? Was that his problem? Maybe he was just too stubborn, who knows. But he set the pill bottle down, scowling. He could hold that damn bottle to his chest and never let go. Why did he feel that need for them?

He grasped his cane and stood up, trembling. He didn't want to sit in the blue glow of the television tonight; he didn't want the unwelcomed light to mock him. He wanted to wallow in this darkness, the knowledge that the only thing in his apartment was him, the only sound was him. It made him feel safe. Not safe, but, protected from everything. Except himself. That was the problem.

He painfully made his way to the radio. That would stop his racing mind from the thought of that pill bottle. That pill bottle, all of those little pills, and the sweet release they could bring him. His leg sent a burst of electrical pulses to his brain. Shouting at his mind. Pain. Pain. Pain. He limped his way to the radio anyway. He flicked it on and allowed whatever it was to flow out of that little box come. He welcomed anything but his thoughts. He feared his own thoughts. That was just freakin' pathetic. He managed his way back to the couch and sat back down with a yelp as his leg buckled beneath him and he fell down faster than he intended. He pitied himself as an unfamiliar song flowed through the speakers. Unfamiliar sure, but, God it was like his life story flowed out of that little box.

_

* * *

Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone._

She said "Some days I feel like shit,  
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"  
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,  
I get along but the trips always feel so long,  
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,  
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,  
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,  
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,  
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',  
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,  
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone.  
Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone,  
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,  
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,  
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,  
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,  
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,  
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,  
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,  
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,  
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',  
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,  
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone.  
Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone,  
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',  
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,  
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,  
It seems one thing has been true all along,  
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,  
I guess I've had it with you and your career,  
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone.  
Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone,  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...  
Please come back home...

* * *

What the hell? He was crying. _Why_ was he crying? Oh….right. His pathetic excuse for a life. He laid back on the couch and put his arm across his face. He felt the tears slowly dampening his skin but he didn't care. He absent-mindedly felt around for the pill bottle on his table. He snatched the familiar cool plastic. He fondled it in his hand for a bit, and then snapped the cap off again.

Still not looking, he poured the contents of the bottle onto his chest. He took his arm away from his face and looked at the little pills. Mocking him. Calling his name. He narrowed his eyes at the pills. "Leave me alone!" he shouted at them. "What the hell do you want from me!" 'God, I've really lost it now…' he thought to himself. 'I'm yelling at the little bastard excuse for pills.'

Suddenly, he swiped the pills off of himself furiously. The pills hit the hardwood floor, a small clatter erupting from the otherwise silent room. When they fell he noticed the radio stopped. He grasped his leg and began to sob lightly again. Today, he remained strong from the torment of those pills. Or maybe weak? Or maybe just stubborn to refuse he needed them for more than just pain and emotion. He needed them to feel in control. That feeling was gone now though; they controlled him.

He sobbed weakly into his arm, his other hand grasping his thigh.

Not tonight.

Tonight, he remained whatever it was.

Tonight, there would be no sweet release.

Just loneliness.

Wilson walked up to the door but stopped immedietley. Was that sobbing? Oh God, Greg's crying? He stood there for a moment, wondering what he should do. He noticed the sobbing only got harder. Greg was strong, he'd get through whatever it was he was going through. Wilson walked away from the door slowly, unsure if he was making the right choice. As we walked away, the sob's receded into the background.

Maybe this was his sweet release?


End file.
